oneword-safety

Transcript

NEWS ANNOUNCER: Police are warning that the so-called "Safety Killer" is still at large after a schoolteacher was found dead from 28 stab wounds inflicted by a pair of roundy scissors.

(Image: bloody, cracked carbon monoxide detector.)

NEWS ANNOUNCER: (off-screen) Earlier victims of the Safety Killer include a bicyclist suffocated with his own helmet and a couple beaten to death in their home with their carbon monoxide detector.

CAPTION: RE-CREATION

(Nearly nude guy in rollerblades on rooftop fighting a sea turtle.)

NEWS ANNOUNCER: (off-screen) Terrified residents are crossing against the light, leaving meat out on the counter, and having unprotected sex with drug users in an attempt to avoid becoming the next victim.

GUY BEING INTERVIEWED: I've been driving 80 miles an hour on the shoulder. No seat belt, texting all the way. Most of the texts are about how high I am. Hey, I've got a family, I can't take chances.